ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
