Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
