The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
