Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Randomize
