I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
You're a waste of cheezeits
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Randomize
