dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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