I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
