well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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