So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
