It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
