Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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