there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
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I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
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Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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