OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
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