Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I'm gonna fight the coyote
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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