I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
