On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
