Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Randomize
