My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
