He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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