dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
My vagina is officially offended.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
