You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
This house was built for laser tag.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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