New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Randomize
