come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
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