2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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