: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
