she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
So much Jack, so little girl.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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