are you still at the devil's house?
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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