I think I am morally bankrupt
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
