You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
