As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
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