i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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