didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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