I am puke
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
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