Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Randomize
