yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
