I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I've blown a few things in my day
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
