I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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