so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
