i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
