apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
My life is pants optional.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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