i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
