I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Randomize
