i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
