If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
