Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize
