you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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