glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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