There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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