I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Randomize
