I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
