Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
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