So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
