she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
I think i got beer on your cat.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
