i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
