i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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