Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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