I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
