Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
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