I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
