i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
