next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
