He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Randomize
