my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
