I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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