I'd wear matching sweaters with you
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
